The Qualities of Lifelong Friendships

There’s an Irish proverb that states, “A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have.”

As you may know, life is all about creating connections and building relationships with worthwhile individuals. In a way, you can think of making friends as a lifelong investment. You want to invest your time and energy in people who lift you up, respect your boundaries, and make you a better human being. You are better off having just one good friend instead of multiple bad friends because it’s essential to maintain the idea of quality over quantity. The rest of this blog will tell you the good and bad qualities of friendships and how to invest your energy in the right person. 

 Respect, honesty, trust, loyalty, and communication are key in a healthy relationship. If a foundation of those traits does not exist in your friendship, then it may not be worth your time to invest in. It’s important to note that a good friend will always uplift you instead of invalidating your feelings or problems- this is where respect comes in. A good friend will look out for you and not hold back from telling you if you are doing something right or wrong. They should see your failures and successes as theirs- this is where honesty plays a role.

A good friend will also create a safe environment for you to share your thoughts and feelings. They can be relied on to keep your secrets- and that is where, you guessed it, trust comes in. A good friend will stand by your side and never go against you, which is where loyalty comes in. Lastly, a good friend will be apparent to you about how they feel or what they think about certain things- small or big. This is where communication comes in. Of course, remember to reciprocate these qualities in your friendship, otherwise, a one-sided company will easily crumble. 

Now that we’ve gone over the foundational qualities of a healthy relationship, let's talk about what makes a friendship toxic.

A toxic friendship will make you feel like you’re being dragged down. For example, being friends with someone who goes against your boundaries, weaponizes their struggles, ignores your efforts, doesn’t take accountability, dismisses your values, and constantly takes from you without giving anything back are examples of what someone should not be like. Surrounding yourself with negative people can cause a lot of harm to your mental health. Oftentimes, your happiness depends on the company you have. That is why the emphasis on investing your time in worthwhile friendships is so strong. 

As of now, you know what good and bad qualities to look for in a friendship.

The next thing that’s important to know is maintaining a friendship. The first thing you want to do is make time for your friend, whether it’s in the form of texting/calling each other, or meeting up in person, making time to spend with your friend is important- even when life is busy. Regularly committing to something on the calendar may be helpful with this. Also, remember to be present and give your friend your full attention when you’re with them. It’s disrespectful to be doing your own thing on your phone when you’re with your friend because you would be wasting both your time and theirs. Next, you will want to make your boundaries clear to your friend in the hopes of preventing conflict. If a conflict does occur, then it’s best to talk the problem out in a cool and collected manner.

Furthermore, prioritize showing up and supporting your friend. You can’t expect someone to be there for you if you don’t return that dedication. Lastly, accepting that friendships evolve and change is key to maintaining one. Friendships take a lot of work to maintain, but when you put in the effort, the results will be fulfilling. 

We started this blog with a proverb so let’s end it with another one. This Arabic proverb says, “She makes you feel like a loaf of freshly baked bread.” It is said about the best type of friends- the type of people who help you rise. As you go about making and maintaining connections with individuals, remember these three things; the qualities of good friendships, the qualities of bad friendships, and how to maintain the good friendships. All it takes is one good friend for life to become better. Good luck! 

Written by Anya Gnanapragasam