Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Making a commitment to step into a relationship with anyone can be scary. A relationship somehow is a step crossing over the dating zone into a phase where you are each committing to be more. You are committing to be more present, to be more available, to be more understanding, to be more loving, to more compromises, and the list goes on. It may seem daunting thinking of it, but when you are in love it should feel like a natural process.
A healthy relationship consists of the following:
Moving up in life together in whatever direction it is, you are in it together.
Their ups are your ups, and their downs are your downs. Life plans are made together taking into consideration each other plans, hopes, dreams, and visions. Mutual support and encouragement are about pushing your partner in being the best version of themselves.
Honesty, loyalty, and trust are keys to any strong relationship. Honesty is so important. I’m not talking just about not lying to your partner. It’s about being honest about your feelings of sadness or frustration. Just letting them know how you feel. Definitely, never lie in a relationship. It ends up being a steppingstone to being more comfortable about lying about the bigger things. Loyalty is about being their number one supporter or fan. You have their back.
They are your priority and will always be there for them. Trust is foundational in a relationship. If you have trust issues from past relationships, then talk it out or talk it through. If it’s affecting your relationship, then maybe it’s time to seek counseling. This is also linked to being honest. If you have a doubt, then speak to your partner about it in a non-accusatory tone. That means you’re going to talk to them about your feelings and how their actions are making you feel.
For example, you would say something like, “When you get a call and go outside to talk, I feel like you’re hiding something from me.”
You do not want to say, “Why do you always go outside to talk? Are you hiding something from me?”
These two ways of expressing your feelings come off in two different ways.
Always be mindful of your tone. Communication and listening are opening in creating openness. This ties into being honest. Being able to talk about anything with your partner. Listening is the other half of communicating. Are you listening empathetically or with care? Are you actually listening? When your partner is talking to you about things that are important to them, give them your undivided attention. Look at them in the eyes, let me know that they have your full attention. Boundaries and freedom are important in a relationship. It seems strange to say that there are boundaries in a relationship or even freedom. This is easy to have if there is honest, loyalty, trust, open communication in a relationship.
You are comfortable with your partner having a night out without you. You know that they would never do anything to hurt you.
You don’t need to check their phone to see who they’ve been calling or texting.
You don’t need to go through their browser history.
It’s strange to think that you can have freedom within a relationship. But just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean that you lose your identity.
Honestly, I’m okay with my partner checking my phone, texts, browser history, listening to my calls – because I know that I’m honest, loyal, that we have good communication. I don’t have anything to hide. BUT – there is a fine line between feeling comfortable and feeling controlled. I’ll talk about this more later.
Compromise is something you’re just going to have to be comfortable with. Thinking that you are always going to get your way is not realistic. Nor should you feel that you should have to always make your partner happy. Being able to compromise comes with being able to communicate with each other and having trust. Appreciation or value in your partner and vocalizing this is a game-changer.
Expressing how you appreciate what they do or value what they bring to the relationship can bring a lot of love to the relationship. Saying “I love you” is amazing – but saying “I love that you make me coffee in the morning, it makes me so happy” is a whole other level of showing love! Those little thoughts that we normally internalize or save for special occasions should be said frequently.
There are many other components that comprise a healthy relationship, but I feel that these are foundational. From someone who has been in a very unhealthy relationship and fought very hard to build a new healthy one, these steps and methods have been instrumental in our unity.
That being said, being in a relationship where you feel controlled is a BIG no! If you’re in a relationship and feel forced or obliged to do anything of the things that I mentioned, then that is a big red flag. It’s very hard to walk away from an unhealthy relationship, and the emotional/mental abuse makes it feel impossible to walk away.
I would encourage you to speak with someone that you trust and find a way to break away from the relationship. If you think it’s fixable, then start by telling your partner how you feel. Let them know that their actions are hurting you. If they respond and you feel heard, then there’s hope to make amend and transform your relationship.
My last takeaway is, never leaving an argument unresolved. If your partner did or said something that hurt you or made you sad, say it at the soonest most appropriate moment. Don’t let those moments fester and become a crutch in your relationship. Misunderstandings are typical in any relationship and resolving them before they escalate can help you become closer. No two people are perfect, and love isn’t easy.
Choosing to get into a committed relationship is goes beyond love, it’s about liking someone enough that you can look past their flaws. It’s liking them enough that you could not imagine life without them. It can be a beautiful thing, but it takes constant work. You just have to find out who is worth the trouble and willing to make the same level of commitment you are.